Monday, 2 January 2012

My greatest challenge yet

Melencolia I by Albrecht Dürer.

So I haven't posted in a while and I wish I could say that's because I've been very busy but it's not. I have still been going to CrossFit. I have done one session since the last one I reviewed, and it was horrible. Sprint 400m and then 15 reps overhead squats for five rounds. I hated every second of it and only managed four rounds in 18 minutes before having to quit. But I guess this is how it goes and there's no way I'm quitting. I'm trying to motivate myself in any way possible but it just seems that I can't motivate my self to run. My couch to 5k programme is shot, and my diet is horrendous. I have been blaming it on the festive season to my friends and girlfriend but I think the truth of the matter is, I'm just depressed.

I get these waves of depression that just knock me sideways every 9-18 months, sometimes worse than others. And I don't mean just being unhappy and having a rough time, I'm talking proper 'don't get out of bed all day, shut yourself off from the world, think about death all day' depression. For weeks on end.

I am not writing this post to say that I've quit. Just that I've hit a wall that proves even more insurmountable than when I hit a wall in exercise. Nothing can get me over that wall but time.

I still have CrossFit once a week (I'm booked into it and something tells me those guys will not allow me to just not turn up), and I'm going to try and run this week. If I can't run then I'm going to learn how to stand on my head.

One or the other. Maybe both.

In this round of depression I'm just going to keep my goals very low and then not become discouraged. We'll see how this goes guys.

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